You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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