Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
