I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
