Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
