The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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