Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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