Me. At least after what I've been through.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
