I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
