I CAN MOONWALK!
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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