I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
