I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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