this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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