hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
