Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
