My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
