i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
