guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
