I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
