remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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