Tell her she can't have a vagina
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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