erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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