either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
