i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
