so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
