i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
