Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
