He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
