living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
