I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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