At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
