shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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