i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
