You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sex in a hospital.. check
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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