from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
