new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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