ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
