All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
