Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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