it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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