my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Randomize
