I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
