can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
