my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
