i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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