You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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