I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
