you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
