roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
