I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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