You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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